grow

May 29, 2024

I often feel this weird mixture of feelings towards the world, how I want to see the world in its entirety but also want to shut myself off. Perhaps that’s what I talk about in this song.

My interest in music started with hip-hop, and I’ve been finding myself going back to hip hop these days (MF Doom, Nas, Noname, Lupe Fiasco…). I think I might do a couple more rap tracks in the coming weeks :)

I sampled Maggie Smith’s reading of "Good Bones," available on the Poetry Foundation website.

🥔

I watched a time lapse of plants growing;

Thought that I also wanna get growing, unfurl,

Look for the pearls in the oyster of life,

See the world with twenty quids in my Oyster card.

But then, the world decides to go on a full-on attack

With all its high tides and hard facts.

And just sometimes, I feel like

I will never grow, and the world will stay oversized.

And I’m not blind, I know that hope is rough.

A news headline is quite enough to snuff it.

I’m talking of Mariupol that is gone,

The stones that are thrown at baby birds.

Does the world have good bones?

Maggie Smith tries to sell the world to her kids, but am I sold?

Or am I too old to believe

That the world could have good bones?

The world’s too busy to talk to.

The world’s too big to fight.

The world’s too sharp to hug.

Does the world have good bones?

The world’s too busy to talk to.

The world’s too big to fight.

The world’s too sharp to hug.

Does the world have good bones?

The world.

The universe.

Does the world have good bones?

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

The best of times

May 16, 2024

We often have high expectations for the first year of uni, that it’s supposed to be wonderful. But sadly, this is not the case for everyone.

I caught up with a dear friend today. We talked about how uni can be challenging and how things can get tough. It reminded me that some experiences are more common than one thinks.

So, love, hang in there if you are not having the best of times — you are not alone.

Trigger Warning: the song here touches on themes of suicidal ideation

🥔

First year of university, they told me it’s gonna be the best of times

First few months into the first year, I ordered caffeine to end my life

After Googling things like the lethal dose of aspirin

The order arrived, was never picked up; I never could

I told my ex, she tried but never understood

I guess not everyone in their first year orders caffeine pills to end their life

I guess that for most students, their first year is actually the best of times

But not for me

Why, I don’t know

Perhaps I do

But pretend I don’t

I don’t wanna know

The best of times, the glory of youth, but not for me

The best of times, the stories to tell, but not for me

Not for me

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

Sunburn

Apr 24, 2024

What is this song about? Well, I had a clearer idea of what this song was about when I wrote the lyrics. I am not as sure anymore.

The weather is quite cold here these days, but allegedly it will get sunny soon. I hope it is / will get sunny where you are too. But don’t forget about the suncream :)

🥔

The sun is setting, it is large

It is bigger than our past, our lives

It is so red, I could cry

I hope you knew I never lied

And all that I thought of was

Baby don’t, maybe don’t hurt me

The sun is setting, I guess, I don’t care

I am shedding myself into the air

Your red lips tasted like summer haze

I am setting these thoughts ablaze

And all that I thought of was

Baby don’t, maybe don’t hurt me

All that I thought of was

Baby don’t, maybe don’t hurt me

Baby don’t, maybe don’t hurt

Baby

I tell you this

Set my soul on fire, burn it to the ground

Let me drown in flames, make my heart pound, baby

Set my soul on fire, burn it to the ground

Let me drown in flames, make my heart pound and pound, baby

Set my soul on fire, burn it to the ground

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

Edward hopper

Apr 11, 2024

It’s been a while since my last post — life was happening full-time, both work-life and life-life.

I am not entirely sure if this is a song-song; it feels more like spoken-word-song. But I have been enjoying deviating from a conventional song format, with rhymes and whatnot.

Edward Hopper is one of my favorite artists, and so perhaps I was bound to write a song named after him.

I performed this song before producing, and that’s also a weird feeling. The vibe is quite different. I hope you enjoy it.

🥔

I always picture you in an Edward Hopper painting when I think of you

This sharp potent light characteristic of his later work falls on your face

And I think,

I could do this all day

You never asked, but I wrote this down the other day

“I am Living in an Edward Hopper painting”

Now, I cannot really complain about the living conditions, it’s beautiful here

Except for this loneliness typical of Edward Hopper’s portrayal of people

And dear,

That’s how I wait for you

I never got to see an Edward Hopper painting that I liked

Well, I went to an exhibition with my cousin, but it missed all the good bits

A thing is, I discovered Edward Hopper only after I left the States where all his major works stay

I discovered him flipping through a poetry collection by Billy Collins in some cafe in London

This beloved poet of mine, Billy Collins, once noted how

“You are so beautiful and I am a fool to be in love with you”

Is a recurring theme in songs, and I confess this is what I was getting to as well

And to shamelessly borrow a line that Billy Collins himself borrowed from some other poet

“You are the bread and the knife”

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

Sparrow

Mar 24, 2024

I wrote this short piece feeling quite, quite sad and thinking that perhaps sparrows have it better.

I didn’t realize it when writing the lyrics, but I later understood that I was also inspired by a Korean indie folk musician, Jungwoo, who sings the following in a song called Reincarnation: “I wanted to become a sparrow after the end of a dark life” ("어둔 생을 마치고 참새 되자 했지").

I will try to write less sad songs, but I cannot make promises there.

I love you all!

🥔

I don’t believe, but if I could,

I would become a sparrow when I die

The world would be bigger, that’s true,

But I’d be less scared if the sky is mine

I wouldn’t want to weight more than my feathers,

Not to burden the twigs I’d be sitting on

Maybe somebody like me would pass by,

See me and decide that life is worth living on

But

For now, for now, I am here,

My feet on the ground

For now, for now, I am here,

Wearing my heavy bones

I know, yes, I know,

I won’t ever, ever become a sparrow

I know, yes, I know,

I won’t become a sparrow when I,

Even if I —

I know

I don’t believe, but if I could,

I would become a sparrow when I die

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

(Also, a shoutout to this blog post about an easy origami sparrow)

Prague

Mar 16, 2024

I wrote this one during my visit to Prague around this New Year. I thought I would never release it, but I changed my mind yesterday.

It amazes me how one city means different things to each person, and this song pictures Prague as I perceived it then.

I must say, things were not as blue as the lyrics may suggest. I had a lovely time with my lovely friends. But I was generally quite sad at the time, which made it into the lyrics.

Also, I didn’t use a guitar, mostly because I didn’t have one when I was in Prague. I love my guitar, but this one, I think, worked out without it :)

🥔

I cannot get used to the street names of this place

But I don’t feel at home anywhere anyway

I listened to my friend recalling our past

How does he remember it all, I wanted to ask

And I won’t pretend that I really know

What I was running away from, but

It follows me wherever I go

Follows me wherever I go

On the way out, I spilled champagne on my bag

It rained in the city centre, so we came back

My friend played PS4 until the very midnight

I guess no one was feeling the new year vibes

We exchanged gifts, and I felt blessed for a while

I take more than I give, all the time

Then I heard fireworks and felt quite sad

I was told that they kill the swans

And I won’t pretend that I really know

What I was running away from, but

It follows me wherever I go

Follows me wherever I go

Didn’t do much on my birthday, but that was alright

I mostly thought about how my time goes by

And I was coming back home when you texted me

Teaching me a lesson in how sweetness can kill

And I won’t pretend that I really know

What I was running away from, but

It follows me wherever I go

Follows me wherever I go

I won’t pretend that I really know

What I was running away from, but

You follow me wherever I go

Follow me wherever I go

I cannot get used to the street names of this place

But I don’t feel at home anywhere anyway

I listened to my friend recalling our past

How does he remember it all, I wanted to ask

On the way out, I spilled champagne on my bag

It rained in the city centre, so we came back

My friend played PS4 until the very midnight

I guess no one was feeling the new year vibes

We exchanged gifts, and I felt blessed for a while

I take more than I give, all the time

Then I heard fireworks and felt quite sad

I was told that they kill the swans

Didn’t do much on my birthday, that was alright

I mostly thought about how my time goes by

And I was heading back home when you texted me

Teaching me a lesson in how sweetness can kill

And I won’t pretend that I really know

What I was running away from when I got

The tickets to Prague, I thought

While entering the bus home

🥔

Music & artwork: @tentatively_potato

Bleach out

Mar 5, 2024

Although we are often told we should live in the present, doing so is not always easy. Also, I was not sure if it is true that time heals. Perhaps we just forget things without truly resolving them. I think that's what I had on my mind while writing this song.

🥔

Time never really waits for me to tie my shoes

Time is out there to seize this moment, did you hear the news?

I thought you used to get me, now I wonder where you have gone,

Whether you are well, but mostly whether it was something I had done

I just obsess over how

I would never know what was on your mind

Time, as usual, didn’t wait for me to tie my shoes

Time has taught me that daydreams have no justified use

I’m so used to thinking of you, but I guess nobody needs to know

Between you and me, my plans are there mostly for the show

I’m just obsessing, obsessing over how